I have to keep that written on a post it note on my desk to remember what I have. I know my limitations very well. It seems my employer doesn't want me around as long as I am suffering from it and I wonder will it ever go away. Some say yes, some say no. I guess I am from the Murphy's school of thought on this one. I think I need to prepare for the worst, not returning to work and be please as punch if it does go away and I can return to my regularly scheduled programming. Meanwhile, I have decided to add one more class to my schedule. This one is online so it won't mean more travelling for me and that should help with the stress level.
Therapy is going strangely too. She seems to think this Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is just another cute word for an anxiety attack. From what I have read it is not. I, quite frankly, am scared to death to have another one. For one, it can do damage to a healthy heart and two it could kill me. So going over past trauma's in a therapists office might not be the best course of action. I plan on asking my doctor tomorrow.
There's the other conundrum - if I have this condition and my employer doesn't want me around. How do I get the medical care that I need without insurance. Insurance is available to children with low incomes. What about me? I know there are resources out there I just need to find them. Obama where is the health care plan you promised. I really need it, NOW!
Life has changed since Scott left me and I can't say it's been for the better but I can say I have survived so far. I am still breathing and that has to count for something. The kids are doing well, Taterbug just got nominated for the Junior Beta Club and Vman is doing his best to take over his own responsibilities and not allow the label of autism to cloud his future. I am so proud of them both. My biggest man calls and checks on me even though he's a state away. I still see him often and am so happy when I do. The only thing that would make life better right now would be a Panera Bread Pecan Roll.
Just started counseling myself yesterday, plus am trying out Xanax for the first time just now (so far, still awake, but not feeling any different...). Three months seems to suck even worse than 1 and 2 months did... just as people predicted.
ReplyDeleteTake care of your heart! And peace to all of us,
Karen
I dreaded the three month mark but hoped I would be different. What is it that makes 3 months suck so bad. I don't know but I think I will learn to speak Greek so I don't have to think about it anymore.
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